After being sick for so long, I finally have a name for my illness: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, otherwise known as P.O.T.S.

A cardiac condition that's stripped me of my health, weight (causing me to drop to anorexic weight), self confidence, friends, jobs and continuing my education.

My goals are simple: gain weight, be healthier, and get out more. Basically, get my life back!

I'm also hoping to spread some awareness on this little known condition, and to highlight the struggles of the underweight and people with "invisible illnesses."

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Just keep swimming

After an epic meltdown last night, I'm trying to push on today.
It's going to be a relatively easy day though because it's way too hot for me to be outside.
I took the dogs for a walk at 9:30 this morning and it was already 85 degrees out.
******
I started a new medication today: Midodrine. (I've mentioned it before)
It's...interesting. One of the side effects is that it makes your scalp tingle- and boy does it ever.
I feel like someone rubbed novocain all over my head.
It's not awful, but it's very weird and unnatural; plus it gives me chills.
I'm curious to see if it will go away once the new med builds up in my system.

Amount of sleep:
maybe four or five disjointed hours? Not much or enough

Diet:
- Breakfast: bowl of strawberries with brown sugar, 3 cups water
- Lunch: mac and cheese, 1.5 cups dr. pepper
- Dinner: roasted chicken, green beans, onions, mushrooms, pasta and applesauce, 2 cups water
- Snack 1: rice krispies treat, 4 cups water
- Snack 2:
3 cups gatorade

Exercise/activities:
- two walks early. (one with each dog)

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: extreme heat intolerance, dizziness, nausea, heartburn, pounding headache, arrhythmia, cold extremities (how?)

Misc:
- started taking midodrine

A friend of mine gave me this quote today...pretty appropriate considering how I'm feeling:
The spirit of a man sustaineth his infirmities, but a broken spirit who can bear?

Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day.

Amount of sleep: maybe six hours? weird nightmares

Diet:
- Breakfast: nutella on bread, 2.5 cups water
- Dinner: hamburger, fresh corn, pasta salad with green olives and italian dressing, small glass ginger ale.
- Snack 1: slice of garlic bread, 2 cups dr. pepper
- Snack 2: rice krispies treat, 4 cups water


Exercise/activities:
- 7 straight hours of gardening.

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: pounding heart, headache, cold extremities, heat intolerance, nausea, chest pain

Misc:
-

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sizzling Sunday

This morning it is already a toasty 80 degrees- I almost passed out just getting the paper...later and tomorrow are supposed to be even hotter. ugh.
(Don't get me wrong, I like it sunny and warm...but I would like to be able to enjoy it)

*****
Some days, it's really getting to be too much to deal with my mom.
First, she gets on my case about not starting my new meds yet. What part of "I can't afford to get them just yet" doesn't she get?
I also haven't started them because I don't know how it'll make me feel, so I want to hold off until the weekends over and there isn't so much pressure on me to do things.

Second, she just doesn't get how I don't feel well and how bone-deep it goes.

Today, we had to do a full-day gardening marathon in the heat and humidity.
Now, I ache in a way that means I won't recover for days.
On the plus side, we bought a new grill. Just in time for summer- perfect!


Amount of sleep:
about eight hours...still exhausted. (will I ever feel well rested?)

BP a.m.:
standing: 74/60 HR: 121
laying down: 83/45 HR: 62

Diet:
- Breakfast: nutella on bread, 2 cups water
- Lunch: none...too busy gardening. I have to get better at this.
- Dinner: bakes chicken, onions, green beans, mushrooms and applesauce. 1 cup dr. pepper
- Snack 1: 3 cups water
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- 7 straight hours of gardening.

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: pounding heart, headache, difficulty breathing, arrhythmia, cold extremities, heat intolerance, nausea, shakes

Misc:
-

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Striking Saturday (pun intended)

Gorgeous miniature lilac bush that my mom bought. Smells heavenly but has teeny, tiny white flowers.
Plus, I get such a kick out of Sassy being a creeper.

Although it started with rain, today actually turned out to be a nice day here.

I wasn't feeling well all morning, and my mom decided she had the urge to go bowling *immediately* and wasn't taking 'I don't feel well' for an answer.
So...off we went.
To be honest, I like to bowl, I just wasn't in the mood for it.
(Who would be with their heart beating out of their chest and crazy nausea?)
For not having bowled in over a year, I didn't do
too badly. My last two games were over 100 and (out of the three of us) I won the last round.

Afterward, I had a celebratory mocha frappaccino.
(Which will make me sick tomorrow, but was worth it for today.)


It was a decent way to spend the afternoon and it felt good to do something *normal* people get to do anytime they please.
Although now I'm in serious pain and neck deep in exhaustion
.


Amount of sleep:
seven hours ish but not very restful. looking forward to going back to bed.

Diet:
- Breakfast: nutella on bread, 2 cups water
- Lunch: n/a was out bowling
- Dinner: homemade veggie pizza (a recipe from a postcrosser!)
I made mine with mushrooms, onions and (red and yellow) peppers- and I don't even like peppers!
- Snack 1: small mocha frappaccino
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
-bowling

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: pounding heart, headache, upset stomach (lower), arrhythmia, cold extremities, heat intolerance, aches, dizziness

Misc:
-

Friday, May 27, 2011

"I'm a Success" Friday

As is the norm lately...it's raining again.
But, I dragged my butt out of bed to get things done.
Went and brought back our roto-tiller, dropped something important off to my sister, picked up my new additional meds, got the part for our pool heater and fixed it.
(All by myself thank you very much!)

When I got home...I had this lovely surprise waiting for me!
(addresses covered up obviously)
Plus my boyfriend brought me surprises before he left.
(He's going to be away for the weekend)
One bunch of flowers and a candy bar for each day that he'll be gone :)

While I'm still feeling just crappy: still wanting to cry all of the time and just hating myself...I can't help feeling a little bit loved

Amount of sleep: about six hours.

BP a.m.: (yeah I remembered!)
laying down: 71/47 HR: 63
standing: 66/51 HR: 101

Diet:
- Breakfast: nutella on bread, 2.5 cups water
- Lunch: n/a...was home too late and didn't want to spoil my dinner
- Dinner: potato pancakes with cheese, sour cream, and "bacon" bits. 2 cups dr. pepper
- Snack 1: kit kat bar
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- ran errands
- fixed the pool heater (go me!)

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: pounding heart, headache, difficulty breathing, arrhythmia, cold extremities, aches, chest tightness, nausea

BP p.m.:
laying down: 82/43 HR: 50
standing: 85/52 HR: 82

Misc:

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Covert Ops Thursday

Somehow, I am absolutely exhausted today...probably because of the weather.
Yesterday was gorgeous and sunny all day, then storming overnight, and now it's back to nice out...but, you guessed it, later it will be storming again.
This time, the rain will continue for a few days into the weekend.

My sister and I ran a few errands, and then went into covert ops mode and drove out to my boyfriend's house to mulch our (his and my) garden while he and his roommate are at work.
I wonder how long it will take them to notice...
If they even notice (lol)


Amount of sleep:
about eight hours...yet, somehow, I'm still exhausted.

Diet:
- Breakfast: Luna protein bar, 2.5 cups water
- Lunch: n/a...was home too late and didn't want to spoil my dinner
- Dinner:
- Snack 1: couple of chips with home made mexican dip, 4 cups gatorade
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
-ran errands

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: pounding heart, headache, upset stomach (lower), difficulty breathing, arrhythmia, cold extremities, heat intolerance, aches

Misc:
-

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Weds.

Horrible depression today...lingering, no doubt, from yesterday.

It was beautiful all day, yet I couldn't enjoy it because I was so miserable.

There was one small blessing: My boyfriend and I finally got to plant our garden.
We're having horrible thunderstorms now though, so I'm praying that our garden doesn't get ruined and that our plants don't get washed away.

Amount of sleep: 5-6 hours. not great.

Diet:
- Breakfast: n/a
- Lunch: potato pancakes with cheese, sour cream and salt, 2.5 cups water
- Dinner: small amount of mac and cheese
- Snack 1:kit kat, 2.5 cups water
- Snack 2:
3 cups water

Exercise/activities:
-took both dogs on a walk

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: pounding heart, headache, nausea, aches,chest pain, difficulty breathing, arrhythmia, cold extremities, heat intolerance

Misc:
- ob still. ugh.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

POTS follow up Tuesday

Today's my follow up with the POTS specialist.
*******
I'm going to start taking Midodrine, and I have to go get compression stockings which I'm sure will be undeniably sexy...(not.)
Maybe I can get some that are made to look like they have the seams up the back like the old-time pin-up girls. (I can dream, right?)

I got some upsetting news while I was there too, that I'm not in the mood to talk about.
(I'm physically okay)
I came home crying, and my sister (who's home for the summer) was surprisingly supportive... while my mom has done nothing but cut me down all night.
It hurts.
I've spent the last few hours crying for the second time today.
My boyfriend's extremely angry at my mom's attitude towards this.

The POTS doctor gave me a dvd (about POTS and what living with the condition is like) to have my parents watch to get them to try and understand my condition and how it affects me. If I thought they would watch it, I would tell them about it...but they won't.


Amount of sleep:
about 5 hours

Diet:
- Breakfast: bagel, 1.5 cups cranberry juice
- Lunch: none. 2 cups water
- Dinner: steak with baked potato (butter, sour cream, salt, fake bacon bits, cheese), garlic bread
- Snack 1: 2 cups dr. pepper
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
-n/a

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: pounding heart, headache, nausea, chills, aches, shakes, chest pain, difficulty breathing, arrhythmia

Misc:
- o.b. (hopefully for the last day)

Monday

Weird day here.
Rain and thunderstorms in the morning, sun in the afternoon, rain and thunderstorms at night.
So, obviously, I've felt crappy on and off all day.

Emotionally, I'm feeling even worse than the last few days.
I very much just want to give up entirely.

Amount of sleep:
about 5 hours

Diet:
- Breakfast: ensure
- Lunch: bagel with cream cheese, 2 cups cranberry juice
- Dinner: pasta, 2 cups of dr. pepper
- Snack 1: 2.5 cups water
- Snack 2:
2 cups water

Exercise/activities:
- ran errands
- cleaned the house for sister's visit

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: heat intolerance, cold extremities, headache, stomach upset, sweating, chills, nausea, aches

Misc:
- o.b.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Starting again (with the rain) Sunday

Amount of sleep: 5 hours...dragged myself out of bed to hit the nature trail this morning before the rains come. Sure enough, as we were leaving it started to rain!

Diet:
- Breakfast: half almond pastry (pretty big pastry though), 1.5 cups iced mocha coffee (which I regret because now my heart's out of control)
- Lunch: buffalo chicken pizza, 2 cups dr. pepper
- Dinner: hamburgers and potatoes, 2.5 cups water
- Snack 1:
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- nature trail!
P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: exercise intolerance, pounding heart, cold extremities, fatigue, chest tightness

BP/Heart Rate (pm):
Laying:

Standing:

Misc:
- o.b.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Fair Saturday

Hallelujah!
Today was our first sunny day in over a week :)
So, we spent it mostly outside...weeding, cleaning up, and we (boyfriend and I) went to get plants for our garden!
Unfortunately, his entire backyard is still completely under water, so it will be a while before we can till and plant, but I feel worlds better just having the plants in my hot little hands.

I'm worried though because our forecast says rain for the next week (AGAIN!) and we won't be able to plant anything until we get a break from it.
It was actually in our
newspaper (on the front page!) that we've had record rains and all of our farmer's crops may be ruined.

Plus, another week of rain means I'm going to be back to feeling just awful :(
*******
On the flip side of things...
For whatever reason today, I'm feeling just awful. Could be the weather change, could be because I forgot my meds yesterday...but today I just hate myself and want to bawl my eyes out.
*******
It's 6:20 pm and I've not been "Rapture"-d....
Sorry all, you're stuck with me and my boring blog posts :)



Amount of sleep:6.5 hours pretty decent hours. A few nightmares, and I had to get up early (dragging myself out of bed was hell) but I'm just glad to have gotten any sleep at all.

BP/Heart Rate (am):
ugh, some days I hate myself. I blame it on oversleeping and rushing this morning.

Diet:
- Breakfast: half almond pastry (pretty big pastry though), 2 cups water
- Lunch: beef kabob with a couple (read: 5) potato chips, 2 cups water
- Dinner: (hopefully) buffalo chicken pizza. yum. I need it.
- Snack 1:
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- took a walk with my love and my (our) dogs :)
- finally went to get plants!!

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: heat intolerance, cold extremities, headache, stomach upset, light headed, mood swings.

BP/Heart Rate (pm):
Laying:

Standing:

Misc:
- o.b.

'What a Moron' Friday

I was stupid.
Later in the day I felt horrible sick so I didn't eat dinner...
Later when I went to take my night dose of meds I found out why.
I'd forgotten to take my meds in the morning.
No wonder I felt sick.
What an idiot.
****
Also, my hand turned frickin purple again.
Blah :(

Amount of sleep:
1 hour. Seriously. (long story)

BP/Heart Rate (am):
can't remember, what is wrong with me?

Diet:
- Breakfast: Ensure
- Lunch: mac and cheese, 2 cups dr. pepper
- Dinner: n/a (felt way too sick for it...later I found out why)
- Snack 1: nutella on bread, 4-5 cups water
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- none

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: inability to breathe, cold extremities, headache/ migraine, weakness, fatigue, nausea, heart burn

BP/Heart Rate (pm):
Laying:

Standing:

Misc:
- o.b.

Friday, May 20, 2011

An MVP in Tuesday's Marathon

Tuesday was my appointment to have my stress test and echocardiogram done. It turned out to be a mini cardiac marathon.

Thank you, by the way, to whoever left me such a kind “good luck” comment on my blog!

The Marathon:

First, once I was finally called back into the room (a half hour late by the way) I had to put on the hospital gown and lay down on my side while they took a sonogram of my heart. Overall, it wasn’t that bad…just uncomfortable (as they’re jamming the sonogram took into your rib cage) and it took forever. Seriously. I was laying there being sonogrammed for at least 45 minutes.

Oh, and halfway through this sonogram, I started getting horrible abdomen pains. Let’s just say there was a late, and unwelcome (though better late than never lol), visitor. Sorry for the TMI but it’s relevant to the story.

Then, the very sweet tech told me that I would be walking/running on a treadmill to get my heart rate up to the level they’re looking for (stress test part), and then I’d have about 60 seconds to get back on the table and lay in the exact same position so I could get another sonogram after the stress test.
Something I’m realllllly not feeling now if you know what I mean
She also was kind enough to warn me that she would have to rip my paper hospital gown open and not to worry that she’s gone crazy or something lol

So, she gets me all hooked up and the actual cardiologist himself comes in to perform my stress test. I get on the treadmill and start walking. Within a minute, I’m exhausted and out of breath. By 2 minutes 30 seconds, and on “level three”, my stress test is over, I’ve gone above the “target” heart rate and I’m gasping for air.

As I’m doing this, the cardiologist tells me that my exercise tolerance is incredibly low for someone my age (to which I so desperately wanted to reply “no shit Sherlock”...one of the biggest signs of POTS is exercise intolerance) and that I should be doing cardio 4-5 times per week. Okay buddy, if I could do THAT I would. Do you think I like wheezing after a 2.5 minutes power walk? I mean come on, give me a little credit. I’m not doing this for fun. He basically implied I was lazy and that if I just exercised I’d be fine-again, if I could do that I would be doing it.

He also got really snarky with me for two things:
1. not trying the Midodrine that he prescribed. (The POTS specialist thought that there was something we should try first, and, if you recall, he didn’t answer my phone calls asking him whether I should wait until my bloodwork was complete or not to start it; so my bloodwork wouldn’t be thrown off. I left three messages that he never called back about. Not my fault he didn’t answer me and I played it safe.
and
2. not bringing in my blood pressure logs (I had no idea I would actually see him and not just a tech, and he had told me to bring them to my follow up, so I left them at home) and for not getting my bloodwork done. WHAT? I almost FREAKED. I still have the bruises in my arms from his vials and vials of bloodwork- don’t you dare tell me I didn’t do it. (Turns out the lab forgot to send the results. When they received them, did I get an apology? Of course not.) He actually had the nerve to imply that I’m not even trying to get better. “You can’t better if you’re not even going to bother to try”

Now, to flop on the table in the right position in 60 seconds or less. Which, would be easy enough if the table wasn’t 15-20 feet from the treadmill. (Not that that’s a large distance…but it is when you have 60 seconds to get there and strike the right pose or you’re doing the whole damn thing all over again!)

Next came another heart echo. This one was faster though; about twenty minutes. Not too bad. The cardiologist glanced at it for a millisecond and said to me (as I’m trying not to pass out) “you have an abnormality in one of your heart valves”(I’ll get to that later)
When the tech took the ports off of me and they left horrible welts :(

Then the tech told me she was done with me! I was glad. All I wanted at that point was to go home, take quite a bit of Motrin, cuddle my heating pad and crash.
Little did I know that only she was done with me; I wasn’t done overall.

I was shuffled off to another room to get a doppler of my carotid arteries, which took at least another half hour. Then that tech said she was done with me. Hallelujah right?! Nope!

Next came getting strapped to a Holter monitor to check my heart rhythm for the next 24 hours. I was also given instructions about it; no showering and use the little ‘symptom log’ they gave me to record what I was doing when I felt symptomatic, and what times they occurred.

Then, and only then, I could go home.
Funny side story: On the way home, this crazy garbitch is riding my tail the whole way. So I tap my brakes to get her to back off. What does she do? Guns it past me going at least 70 in a 35 over a double yellow line. No doubt my heart rate spiked due to my anger. Can’t wait to see what they say about that lol

So, exhausted, I got home, took some motrin to nurse the pain from my special visitor and relaxed for an hour or two. Then I had to do normal activities to show my “average day” on the heart monitor, but beyond that I was too tired, sore, and icky feeling, to do anything else.

That night I had a horrible night’s sleep with nightmares involving my heart monitor and lovely sleep apnea that I woke up gasping for air from. Wednesday, I took the monitor back. Then took the above below of my rib cage to show the reaction I had to them/ welts I got from them.

Almost three days later they’re still there!

I also wanted to talk to them about something that was written on the “diagnosis” sheet that I’d gotten the day before. It said that one of my diagnoses was anorexia. What the hell?! We didn’t talk about anorexia, and he’s not exactly equipped to evaluate my mental state/relationship with food in order to make that particular judgement call. The nurse said it’s from my BMI (which is in anorexia range) but I have a problem with that being on my record now. I don’t have the body image issues that go with anorexia, and now if anyone sees that on my record they’ll assume that I do. I have an issue with that. It’s like when I was misdiagnosed with an anxiety disorder; it took me years to get someone to actually believe something was wrong. I kept getting the “well I see you have an anxiety disorder…it’s probably just that” speech. Now, I’ll get the “well I see you’re an anorexic…” speech. Not cool and definitely something I’m going to bring up during my follow up.

Diagnosis?:
After my stress test was done, the cardiologist looked at my sonograms and said that my heart looks good, but that one of my valves is abnormal. I have what’s called a Mitral Valve Prolapse where my mitral valve doesn’t close all of the way. It occurs in about 5% of the population. (Could be as high as 20% but it’s rarely looked for/into)

(Here is a fantastic article from the Mayo Clinic on what MVP is. Another link to the actual Mayo Clinic site version is here.)

There are some medications that are used to treat MVP. They are blood thinners and beta blockers. Neither of which I am a candidate for as they lower blood pressure and that could literally stop my heart.

The other options are to have the valve fixed, or replaced entirely. Now, given my history of slipping into a coma during one procedure, and a poor track record with surgery…I’m sure as hell not having open heart surgery unless I would die without it.

My boyfriend feels differently, he thinks it’s at least something to consider and see what the doctors feel about it…because right now my quality of life is pretty sucky, so it might be worth at least thinking about…don’t be too hard on him, I’m beyond shocked that he feels that way. He was there when I slipped into a coma. He was there holding my hand until I woke up. I saw him bawling his eyes out, and happy tears streaming down his face. I heard him tell me he wasn’t ever going to let me do anything like that ever again. So for him to be thinking about this and having that opinion is extremely difficult for him.

The POTS Connection:

In case you were wondering (as I was) what possible connection there is between MVP and POTS, I looked it up last night and found a study done on POTS by a doctor who found that 46-50% of POTS patients may have MVP. (It was done in young teens, but it’s an interesting figure nonetheless)

I originally thought (after doing some reading on MVP’s symptoms) that this could be the root cause of my POTS, but I’ve since ruled that out. MVP is something you’re born with; and while I’ve had some symptoms my whole life (like the arrhythmia) I haven’t been debilitatingly sick my whole life; just the last couple of years. It’s infinitely close to being impossible that it worked the other way; where POTS caused MVP.

Also included in the article with the stat correlating MVP and POTS, was a list of “diagnostic features of POTS” that show how it appears during various testing. Along with the fact about MVP, there is also: normal results in bloodwork (adrenal and thyroid glands, urinalysis, complete blood cell count, and electrolytes), normal ekg/stress test except for periods of tachycardia, and positive tilt table results (HR spike of 30bpm or more, provocation of at least 3 symptoms of orthostatic tolerance, HR of 120bpm or greater within 5 minutes).

check, check, check and check.

If anything this definitely seals the deal that I have POTS. Which, in a way is a relief to be completely positive in knowing that that’s my condition and that’s what I need to focus on; instead of wondering if they got it wrong and I’ve wasted the last year.

My boyfriend is excited to see what the POTS specialist has to say about all of this when I go next week (Tuesday). I made sure to have all of these results forwarded to her as well. The eternal optimist, he thinks this is going to lead to a definitive treatment plan.
I’m also very curious to see what she says about my test for Gastroparesis, and when I tell her about my hand turning purple.

Other Results and Concerns About O.B.

As for the other results, I don’t have them yet. This is all just a quick observation on his part. I’ll find out about the carotid dopplers and Holter monitor when I go back for my follow up in June.

My one concern is this: OB. OB= Ordinary Bitchgicles. (Yeah, I add ‘gicles’ to the ends of most of my swear words, I think it makes them less mean and makes me seem less crass. Whatever, don’t judge me) OB is the nickname that I’ve given to my “special friend”/”visitor” who came during my test. (Why OB? Because ‘she’ is NOT special, and certainly not friendly.)

It concerns me because during that week, a woman’s blood pressure is naturally higher. In a POTS patient, that generally means most POTS symptoms are better, which would skew the test and not give an accurate representation of how I feel on a normal day-to-day basis. While I get migraines, cramps and nausea, overall my strength and endurance are much better. This is something I have to discuss during my follow up also. I would hate for all of this to have been for nothing. (We found MVP but you know what I mean…I don’t want to redo the rest of it because of OB)

Another irritation that I have, is that on my ‘diagnosis sheet’ there’s a line saying that he told me to start physical therapy training- I’m going to call “bull shit” on that. I’ve never heard that before from him ever and I’m definitely going to ask him about that. If there was some sort of physical therapy I should be trying/doing, it would have been nice to know that and I would have tried it.

Bottom Lines/General Thoughts

The day was long, and hard and exhausting…leading to me finding out I have MVP, a heart valve deformity that’s not lethal but is affecting my quality of life. Oh, and I now have welts that make me look like I’ve been tortured lol

I’m not entirely sure I’m going to go back to this doctor. His bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired. I don’t appreciate being told that I’m not doing anything to get better; which is not true at all. Plus, I don’t like how he puts things on those “diagnosis” sheets that he didn’t discuss with me (that he claims he did) and that are not true (like anorexia).

However, whether I continue to see him or not, any cardiologist would do these exact same tests, so I’m glad I did them. It’s also nice to have confirmation that my heart’s not just going to give out. Plus it will give the POTS specialist more information.

The bummer is that it’s another thing that’s causing me to feel sucky and that there’s no relatively safe treatment for it. (and none safe for me at all) Yay two incurable, not treatable conditions! (sarcasm)

I’m still doing research about MVPS and am working on processing it.

I could write more about how I’m feeling and what I think; but I’m exhausted and, I’m sure you’ll agree, this is quite long enough.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Only Thursday

Today was boring in my corner of the world.
The weather fluctuated from 50 and rain to 70 and sunny, with more rain on the way now...
so needless to say, I've felt iffy all day.
I took the dogs for a walk, but they were cut short because the blood was pounding so painfully in my head that I had to stop.
*****
Sorry, but I'm still not ready to talk about the cardiologist.

Amount of sleep:4.5 hours

BP/Heart Rate (am):
totally forgot. sh*t.

Diet:
- Breakfast: Ensure
- Lunch: salami sandwich with mustard, couple of pretzels, apple with cinnamon and splenda, 2 cups water
- Dinner: leftover beef stew, 2.5 cups water
- Snack 1: two small chocolate oatmeal cookies, 2 cups water
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- took both dogs on short walks until I had to stop.

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: inability to breathe, cold extremities, headache/ migraine, weakness, fatigue, chest tightness, dizziness, light headed, aches

BP/Heart Rate (pm):
Laying:

Standing:

Misc:
- o.b.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

(Almost) Rock Bottom Wednesday

I'm slowly recovering from yesterday.
I'll get around to talking about it eventually, but I'm just not ready to at the moment.
I'm okay though, honest.

The last few days have been extremely difficult, and today I feel like I've hit rock bottom.
Or at least are so close to rock bottom that I can see it.
For many reasons, some that are far too personal to share.

One that I will share, because it's relevant to POTS and this blog, is that, as of this moment,
I have just enough money to pay my credit card bill this month and then that's it. I'm broke.
It's looking like I will have to stop treatment, testing, and everything else.
I'm heart broken.
...and completely at a loss as to what to do now.

Amount of sleep: 5.5 hours. Woke up gasping for air this morning, not a great sign.

BP/Heart Rate (am):
n/a because of the heart monitor

Diet:
- Breakfast: clif bar, 2.5 cups water
- Lunch: hamburger on roll (home cooked), baby ice cream cone. 2 cups water (to be honest, I had the ice cream first because I was out and in the mood)
- Dinner: leftover beef stew, 2 cups water
- Snack 1: 2 cups dr. pepper
- Snack 2:
snack bag of m&ms, 2.5 cups water

Exercise/activities:
- took both of the dogs for a walk, ran a few errands, took heart monitor back


P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: inability to breathe, headache/migraine, weakness, fatigue, chest pain, dizziness, light headed, arrhythmia, sleep apnea
, heartburn

BP/Heart Rate (pm):
Laying:

Standing:

Misc:
- o.b.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Stress Echo Tuesday

Yep, you guessed it...still raining. This was our 21ft pool two days ago about to over flow.
It's at the same level now and I've been draining it as it's been raining for two days.
We've had that much rain. I'd estimate it at around 4.5 inches by now.

******

I'm home and feeling iffy but I made it through my tests.
More to come later.
After some rest.
(Maybe)

Amount of sleep: six hours?

BP/Heart Rate (am):
n/a stress test and echo

Diet:
- Breakfast: n/a
- Lunch: pasta with olives, salami and italian dressing, 2 cups dr. pepper
- Dinner: chicken, mushrooms, baked potato, brownie for dessert, 3 cups water
- Snack 1: kit kat, 2 cups water
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- testing at the cardiologist

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: inability to breathe, cold extremities, headache/ migraine, weakness, fatigue, chest pain, dizziness, light headed, arrhythmia etc.

BP/Heart Rate (pm):
Laying:

Standing:

Misc:
- o.b.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Nervous.

Tomorrow is my appointment with the Cardiologist.

I'm torn. Obviously a part of me wants to have no issues and have everything be 'clean', while part of me wants to have something happen, or "fail", so they can find something and correct it.
At the very least, I want my arrhythmia to actually be documented instead of just being felt and showing up on my BP taker...it will be a good thing to have it officially diagnosed in my record.

*********

I'm going for three things: a stress test, an echocardiogram, and to get a Holter monitor.

Stress Test: Basically a test where you go walk and run on a treadmill (or ride an exercise bike- which I hope I get to do), so the doctor can get our heart rate up to look for any kind of arrhythmia or failures, and test how your heart works during physical activity.

Echocardiogram: Pretty much a sonogram of the heart that looks for abnormalities in the heart muscle or valves. There are four kinds. Mine (should) be a stress echo, where I'll have a heart sonogram before and after my stress test.

Holter Monitor: Wearable monitor that records heart rhythms to check for abnormal heart rates/beats for 1-3 days. Hopefully my arrhythmia shows up to play.



Swollen Monday

Guess what- it's still raining!
I'm feeling awful. Although, it may not be entirely POTS related.
I have a headache, swollen tonsils with a big ol' white spot on one of them.
I'll ask the cardiologist about it tomorrow when I go for my stress test. (He's a GP too)

For whatever reason, every month, for the last six months or so, I've gotten a big white spot on one of my tonsils. It normally goes away after a couple of days, and sometimes they can be caused by allergies; but this time I actually feel sick- like I have a cold or something.

Hopefully, it's not tonsillitis; which is something that I've been concerned about.
I've had strep/tonsillitis a *lot* in my life, and they told me if I continued to get it they would have to take my tonsils out, and I cannot have another surgery right now.

Amount of sleep: four hours

BP/Heart Rate (am):
Symptom: 91/43 HR:158
arrhythmia (this is from walking up the stairs. yikes.)

Diet:
- Breakfast: nutella on bread, 3 cups water
- Lunch: mac and cheese, hamburger patty, 2 cups dr. pepper
- Dinner: pasta with olives and italian dressing, 2 cups water
- Snack 1: small brownie
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- ran a few errands

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: inability to breathe, cold extremities, headache/ migraine, arrhythmia, weakness, fatigue, nausea, dizziness, pounding heart, aches, chills

BP/Heart Rate (pm):
Laying:

Standing:

Misc:
- pain in groin again. sigh.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Festivity Sunday

picture sent to me by a fellow Postcrosser (it's their dog) on Postcrossing

Today's the day we're going to celebrate my boyfriend's new job.
I offered to make him anything he wants for dinner and he asked for beef stew and chocolate cake so that's just what we're going to have.
(Although he wants extra gross stuff that I'll put in his bowl only)

My mood today is not great. I had a huge breakdown last night.
Plus, I'm getting really upset about some stuff going on lately.

********

Amount of sleep: Handful of hours. Lots of bad dreams, very upsetting.

BP/Heart Rate (am):
Laying: 91/57 HR: 65
Standing: 70/55 HR: 123


Diet:
- Breakfast: rice krispies with lactaid (1 cup), chocolate milk (1 cup lactaid + syrup)
- Lunch: n/a
- Dinner: homemade beef stew with potatoes, mushrooms, and beef. 2 cups water
- Snack 1: nutella on bread, 3 cups water
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
-

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: inability to breathe, cold extremities, headache, arrhythmia, weakness, fatigue, nausea, memory loss

BP/Heart Rate (pm):
Laying:85/55 HR: 77 arrhythmia
Standing:
95/60 HR:106
84/52 HR:64 arrhythmia

Misc:

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Sodden Saturday

The rain is finally here...


Bad weather+ insomnia= really crappy feeling POTS patient.
******
You know what? I'm in a bad mood today.
I'm sick to death of people, I'm sick of being overlooked.
I'm sick of dealing with this, I'm sick of being sick.
I'm tired of trying to be a ray of f-ing sunshine when the fact is that I hate my life and all the bullshit that goes with it.
I'm not depressed, I'm pissed off.

Amount of sleep: practically nothing. horrible insomnia-which is the worst.

BP/Heart Rate (am):

Laying: 82/42 HR:59
Standing: 78/53 HR:129 arrhythmia

Diet:
- Breakfast: bowl of rice krispies with (about one cup) lactaid, 1 cup water
- Lunch: n/a (been feeling horribly nauseous all day)
- Dinner: steakette with oven roasted potatoes 1.5 cups ginger ale
- Snack 1: 2 cups water
- Snack 2: tiramisu cup, 3 cups water


Exercise/activities:
- Took both dogs on a walk (separately) during a break from the rain. It took a lot of pushing on my part because I feel incredibly sick today, but I'm glad I did it.

Small blessing, and my reward from the universe for pushing myself to go for a walk:
Lilacs starting to bloom



P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: lightheaded, arrhythmia, tight chest, difficulty breathing, aches, cold extremities, nausea
, depression, rage

BP/Heart Rate (pm):
Laying: 89/53 HR: 65
Standing: 93/58 HR:93


Misc:
- continuing groin pain, not as bad

Friday, May 13, 2011

Stifling Friday

Rain still on the way; although it hasn't come yet.
It's 85, muggy and oppressive and my heat intolerance won't let me be outside for more than five or ten minutes. I can't breathe and desperately need it to rain.
Which, hopefully, will finally happen tonight.
(Putting the a/c on would definitely help, but I'm not wasting the money/energy putting it on for ONE day, when it's supposed to be a more comfortable 70 degrees tomorrow)

I've tried to make the most of it by getting all the indoor housework done (laundry/cleaning) especially because we could get a few inches of rain in the oncoming week, which puts doing laundry off-limits.

Amount of sleep: on and off 7 hours. nightmares, and constant sleep disturbances.

Diet:
- Breakfast: Nutella on bread, 2 cups water
- Lunch: pasta with olives and italian dressing, 4 cups water
- Dinner: mcdonalds hamburger and fries happy meal...fantastic source of salt and calories-both of which I need. 3 cups water.
- Snack 1: handful hershey eggs about 4 cups of water
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- workout
- house cleaning
- laundry

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: heat intolerance, light headed, headache, irritability, swollen hands/feet, visual disturbances, chest pain, inability to breathe, *horrible heartburn*.

BP/Heart Rate (pm):
Laying: 95/56 HR: 68 arrhythmia
Standing: 84/54 HR: 105


Misc:
- severe groin pain (same one from my appendectomy. three more weeks until this is considered 'serious')

Thursday, May 12, 2011

When Thursdays Attack


Bad weather is rolling in, and I can feel it coming.
Sweats, aches, gasping for air.
The worst part is knowing the rain's coming, knowing how I'm going to feel for the next week while it's here, and not being able to do a damn thing about it.

I had a huge attack today, at an inopportune time, and I feel beyond miserable.

I don't want to do this anymore.
I just want to break down and cry.

Amount of sleep:
on and off 7 hours. nightmares, and constant sleep disturbances.

Diet:
- Breakfast: strawberries with sour cream and brown sugar, apple slices with cinnamon and splenda, 2 cups water
- Lunch: mac and cheese with 1 cup ginger ale, 1 cup water
- Dinner: baked chicken with sauteed mushrooms, pasta with italian dressing and green olive, 2 cups water
- Snack 1: handful hershey eggs, 2 cups water
- Snack 2:
2 cups water

Exercise/activities:
- workout

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: heat intolerance, light headed, headache, irritability, cold extremities

Misc:
-

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Delightful Wednesday


Yesterday, we got great news- my boyfriend has a new job!





Amount of sleep:
about 6 hours, weird dreams as usual

Diet:
- Breakfast: nutella on break, 2 cups water
- Lunch: half grilled italian sausage with fries from Ted's, 1.5 cups lime fizz
- Dinner:
- Snack 1: 2 cups water
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- walked our local nature trail
- took the dogs for a ride in the c-a-r
- cleaned up the backyard for lawn mowing

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
so far: headache, cold extremities, heat intolerance, nausea, stomach upset, dizziness

Misc:
- side pain, cyst?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

True start of the season Tuesday...

Hand is still purplish on/off.
Did some research on Raynaud's Phenomenon (something I've always had) and it turns out there's an uncommon form called "Unilateral Raynaud's" where only one hand or foot turns purple from poor circulation.
(I had no idea about that, so it's funny that yesterday's title was something similar lol)
I'm still going to take the pictures I took in with me when I see the specialist next seeing as my meds are supposed to up my blood flow and improve my circulation, so this shouldn't happen.
(Plus it's not cold here, so I don't understand why it's happening at all!)

In other news, it was a nice day here (70 and breezy) and I had my first ice cream cone of the season :)

I have no idea why the picture focused on everything but my cone lol


Amount of sleep: Maybe six hours? Recurring dream about being pregnant, what the heck!

Diet:
- Breakfast: nutella on bread 2.5 cups water
- Dinner: pepperjack filled hamburgers (boyfriend's specialty), oven roasted potatoes, mushrooms, 2.5 cups water
- Snack 1: baby ice cream cone-first of the season! 1.5 cups Dr. Pepper
- Snack 2: handful hershey eggs, 2.5 cups water

Exercise/activities:
- pool stuff...long story

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
arrhythmia, pounding heart, headache, nausea, feeling of constant fullness, cold extremities, fatigue, sleep disturbances

Misc:
- leg and arm are still cold

Monday, May 9, 2011

Unilateral Monday

Tolerable day.
Took each of the dogs for a walk, and played with them outside (it's beautiful out)
Usual stress at home (can't wait to get this POTS stuff fixed and get out)
Took some nice pictures.
Going to call the BBB tomorrow to report a worker who is definitely not using sound business practices.
I'm going to enjoy it, they treated us poorly.
(I've never done it before, but they deserve it.)

My only concern for the day is that my circulation is uneven.
One half of my body is cold; plus, one hand is purple and the other is normal.

Here's a picture:

It's actually more drastic a difference in person, but I think you get the idea.

Amount of sleep: few hours, nothing spectacular

Diet:
- Breakfast: nutella on bread, 1 cup water
- Lunch: small slice buffalo chicken pizza, 1.5 cups dr. pepper
- Dinner: garlic and olive oil pasta with mushrooms, 1 cup dr. pepper
- Snack 1: 2 cups water
- Snack 2:


Exercise/activities:
- two walks; one with each dog
- playing with the dogs outside

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
pounding heart, headache, nausea, cold extremities, weakness, slight depression, irritability, uneven circulation, stomach upset (could still be that I ate something bad, maybe)

Misc:

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

Overall, a decent day.
Mom like her present from us and the weather was gorgeous.
I have severe problems with heat though, so staying outside for any length of time made me pretty sick. Have to remind the doctor of this.

Happy Mother's Day to all the past, present and future moms of the world.


Amount of sleep: about 7 hours, nightmares like usual

Diet:
- Brunch: pancakes with sour cream and strawberries, 2 cups water
- Dinner: chicken kabobs with onions and peppers, pasta with italian dressing and olives, 2 cups dr. pepper
- Snack 1: handful hershey candies, 4 cups water
- Snack 2:
nutella on bread, 2.5 cups water

Exercise/activities:
- playing with the dogs

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
pounding heart, arrhythmia, headache, nausea, achey, cold extremities, chest pain, extreme heat intolerance, stomach death (lower), light headed

Misc:
I have a feeling I'm allergic to something I ate yesterday as I got sick today much worse than in recent history.

(Mostly) Satisfying Saturday

Positives:
- Got the plants for mom's Mother's Day present.
- Had a delicious, summery lunch
- Got all of our donation trees planted
-Was a beautiful day outside.
- My boyfriend sounds/feels better

Negatives:
- After lunch, I started to feel horribly sick. (Probably from all of the activity of the day)
I still haven't been able to eat anything.
- I've caught my boyfriend's wretched cold
- Minor irritations with people/relationships (outside of boyfriend) in my life

Amount of sleep: about 5 hours, horrible insomnia

Diet:
- Breakfast: one brownie, 1.5 cups water. (again, literally the only thing to eat in the house)
- Lunch: chiavetta's chicken and baked potato, lime fizz. (yum. although I think there's something in it that upsets my stomach because I couldn't even entertain the thought of dinner)
- Dinner: n/a
- Snack 1: snack pack of pretzels, 1.5 cups strawberry lemonade (not very good)
- Snack 2:
2 cups water

Exercise/activities:
- errands (nursery and bbq place)
- lots of planting
- playing with the dogs

P.O.T.S. symptoms experienced:
pounding heart, arrhythmia, headache, nausea, achey, cold extremities, chest pain, brain fog, mood swings, weakness, slight anxiety, depression

Misc:

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Gotta love insomnia...

I found this "invisible illnesses questionnaire" on another POTS sufferer's blog, and I thought it might be interesting to give it a go, especially given the terrible insomnia I have right now...

1. The illness I live with is: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Neurocardiogenic Syncope (NCS)

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2010

3. But I had symptoms since: off and on my whole life, but severely/constantly starting in 2008

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: learning how to deal with it on my own. Losing my friends, family, school and job almost all at once.

5. Many people assume:
that it’s “not that bad” because I look fine, or that it doesn't exist because they've never heard of it.

6.The hardest part about mornings: trying to eat on top of nausea, choking down pills, being lightheaded, constant exhaustion and taking multiple tries just to get out of bed...even worse when followed by nightmares or insomnia.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: ER, followed by House and (I guess) Private Practice

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My computer I suppose. It's my connection to the outside world for the time being.

9. The hardest part about nights: waking up from sleep apnea caused by my POTS. Or my heart skipping a beat because my blood pressure plummets over night

10. Each day I take: ranitidine (for GERD), and Florinef...although that may change in the near future

11. Regarding alternative treatments: I’m willing to try any and all after doing some research on it. I tried the 'natural' route, and it didn't work. I've tried some medications and they've somewhat helped but nowhere near enough.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Part of me likes that I have this particular 'invisible illness' because it's relatively rare and unique. However, I would find it easier to deal with people if I had a visible illness. Or at least a treatable one. Rarely, on my worst days, I have trouble feeling sympathy for people with treatable/visible illnesses. (It's rare but I still feel awful feeling that way.)

13. Regarding working and career: I was well on my way to being a teacher. I was in the middle of student teaching when my POTS got to be so bad that I could no longer function. I changed my degree to be a pure science because I couldn't finish my student teaching portion. It broke my heart to see my future plans come to a grinding halt. I've been searching for help/ some relief for the last year and a half, so I can have a job, career, and future again.

14. People would be surprised to know: That they really have no idea how much energy it takes me just to do the simplest tasks. I have to plan days in advance to take a trip to the grocery store. I can't just take off at a moments notice, or even shower when I want to. I've almost passed out trying to use the bathroom! They'd be surprised just how hard life really is.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Losing my friends. I don't get to be the average 20-something, and (mostly) the average 20-something doesn't understand/care to deal with someone with this kind of illness. (I have a friend or two who try to understand, but everyone else is gone.) Most people want to party, and go to the movies, and go out to eat whenever they feel like it, and don't understand what my life is like and that there are days, out of nowhere, where I just can't do them.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: take a road trip. It went better than I thought, but I got horribly sick after for the stress on my body.

17. The commercials about my illness: Are non existent! Although, it was (briefly) on an episode of "House, M.D."

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: walking, exercising, being able to leave the house for more than an hour, getting a good night's sleep, not having intolerances to foods, being outdoors, sunning outside, the list goes on and on...

19. It was really hard to have to give up: work (I loved my job), being social (I wasn't out all of the time, but now I can't do it at all), certain foods, playing with my dogs, and my entire future (for now.)

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: this blog (I guess), participating on a goal-setting website, and Postcrossing. (a website that allows you to send/receive postcards from all over the world.) They help me feel less cut off from the world and alone.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: go for a walk, eat what I want, take a day trip to somewhere fabulous, volunteer. (Seeing as it would only last one day, getting a job would be pointless lol)

Outside the Doctor’s Office

22. My illness has taught me: who my real friends are, and how lucky I was before I had this condition.

23. Want to know a secret? I'm terrified that I'll be too sick to even have a wedding, that I'll have a heart attack young, and/or that having kids could be impossible.

24. But I love it when people: show genuine interest in trying to help me feel better, or when they ask questions and/or at least try to understand my condition.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "Damaged people are dangerous; they know they can survive"

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: we're all in this together, so feel free to call on me anytime.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How active I really was before I had it. How little some people can care for a suffering human being who is/was active in their lives.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: being there for me. Sometimes it helps just to have someone listen, even when they can't help/make it better. My boyfriend/a friend or two have also tried looking on their own for some help/solutions. It means more than they'll ever know.