Quotation Inspiration

“Find a quote that inspires you, positively or negatively, and write about it”

As I thought about this prompt, two quotes came to me right off the bat.

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation- it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” ~ Michael J. Fox

I borrowed this snippet from an interview with Michael J. Fox that was in our local news. Michael J. Fox is a very public face for his disease, Parkinson’s, as well as a fantastic actor.

I love this quote for two reasons.

The first reason is that I appreciate the thought that acceptance and resignation are two different ideas. So many times I’ve been told to “accept” my limitations, or have been preached to about acceptance as if it’s some dirty word; as if I should lie down and allow myself to be injured and put up with it. Accepting something doesn’t mean you resign yourself to it. I accept that the illness I have is Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. I take it in, and I know it to be true. However, I never once have resigned myself to living any less of a life than I want to because I’m ill. Knowing and being ill but getting on with it is a world of difference to having an illness and wasting your life wallowing in it.

The second reason I love it is that I like his viewpoint about dealing with his illness and living with it. There’s something almost calming about the way that he takes whatever comes into his life, whether it’s related to his illness or not, and looks at it, says ‘okay’ at face value, and figures out the next step. By accepting whatever it is, he’s putting his energy into finding something to improve his life rather than wasting it on self pity or ‘why me’s.

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“Damaged people are dangerous, they know they can survive” ~ Josephine Hart

This is actually another of my favorite quotes and has been for years. While some people may find the word ‘damaged’ to be less than inspiring, I don’t take it to mean that there’s necessarily anything wrong with me- at least not in any less-worthy-of-respect-or-love kind of way.

For me, I guess there’s a literal connection to this quote. POTS is a form of dysautonomia; which means it’s a failure of the autonomic nervous system -a system in your body that controls every function. So, in a way, my body is technically damaged. I have a damaged system. However, I hesitate to use the term ‘damaged’ because there’s nothing wrong with me as a person. (But the merits of using the term ‘damaged’ is a discussion for a different day.)

As far as the quote goes, I find it to be absolutely true. I have gone through a lot in the last four years of dealing with my illness. Much more than most people my age.

I’ve had countless rounds of testing (some invasive, some not) and bloodwork. I’ve seen more doctors than most people see in their lifetime. I’ve fought battles with doctors and insurance companies and have used every penny that I have to try and recover the life I once had. I’ve had to change my career aims and leave college. I lost friends and became estranged from family members. I’ve gotten through serious health scares that most people three times my age haven’t. I fight every single day, and am still here; going strong when, by now, most people would have quit.

Thanks to my illness, I’ve become ‘dangerous’.

I’ve honed past survival skills and learned new ones. I’ve had to evolve much faster than most people my age. Along the way, I’ve learned valuable life lessons and for that I’m grateful.

Now, I appreciate things that most people take for granted, such as going to the grocery store, or being able to sit outside in the sun for an hour – which were almost impossible two years ago. I have learned (the hard way) that even those who have been your friend forever won’t always stay when the going gets tough; but that has taught me the value of real friendship. I’ve seen the crueler side of the humanity- where employers and colleges have denied me chances by telling me me that no one will want me because “no one wants damaged goods”; where doctors and drug companies are not held to any kind of responsibility for the damage that they cause – but that has made me more aware of the care I receive. I’ve had to explain to surgeons and hospitals what POTS is because they have no idea. It has encouraged me to do more research to advocate for myself because no one else is going to.

Through dealings with people, including family members, who are indifferent or intentionally ignorant, I’ve honed people skills and learned what I will, and won’t, tolerate from others. I’ve also learned who is healthy to have in my life and who isn’t.

I’ve been told I’ll probably be disabled, and faced the fear of clots and aneurysms and arterial blockages. I know what it’s like to be afraid to sleep at night because you worry about if you’ll wake up in the morning.

I’ve lost over and over again, but I appreciate the wins so much more than I used to. I’ve been humbled, but I’ve also found out what I can do. I’ve found my voice and a community that not only accepts me but will fight with me.

I’ve pushed hard and have gotten to a place that most people with my condition never do. I’ve learned to dream realistically, but still to push the bounds of what’s possible. I aim not just to survive but to thrive. As the Italian proverb says, “Only by aiming for the impossible, will we find the best possible.”

Though everything I’ve encountered over the years, I’ve gained valuable insights and skills that better equip me to deal with obstacles up ahead. In a way, I’m grateful to have learned them so young. Hopefully, they will help me to make better decisions and fewer mistakes.

I’ve also learned one important thing about myself: I’m made of stronger stuff than you’d think; and whatever the next challenge to crop up is, you can be damn sure that I’ll survive that too.