Learning the hard way.

What’s a lesson you learned the hard way?

There are several lessons that I’ve had to learn over the last few years; some are positive and some aren’t.

One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that even those who say they’ll be there for you rarely live up to their promises. I had friends that I was with for years prior to POTS that I really thought would stick around, at least for a lot longer than they did. However, six months into what was then a mystery illness (I was undiagnosed for two years) people started to leave; claiming I was either faking by claiming to be so sick, or that I was too flaky because my ability to do something could change from hour to hour. I even had family members treat me the same way. It was a very painful thing to experience, having people you love, and who you thought loved you, leave. I was blessed to have a couple of friends who managed to slog it out, and a boyfriend who was in the trenches with me every day seeing what no one else saw- that I really was sick and that every day was a struggle.

Every lesson though, no matter how painful, can teach us something. For me, I learned to be more patient towards others just as I had hoped others would have been more patient with me and my illness. I also learned to reserve my trust for people who are more worthy. I used to just share my business with anyone who asked out of the hope that sharing a lot would make me closer friends; it doesn’t. I also learned that those rules apply to family members as well. Blood doesn’t mean everything. You have to make friends and have a relationship with a family member and can’t fall back on bloodlines to guarantee you friendship, kindness, support or protection because it doesn’t.

The second lesson that I learned was to slow down and appreciate little things. Being very ‘type A’, I was always multitasking or on the go or working on something. I took trips to the grocery store and going to the movies for granted because it never occurred to me that those activities would be too much for me at any point in time. They were a given. Once POTS came along, showering and dressing was a challenge, let alone running to the store for some milk. During the summer, I had to stay inside because my blood pressure couldn’t regulate enough to keep my body from overheating almost instantly. When I was in high school, I would spend hours out in the sun and the heat; sometimes full 8 hour days when I was in marching band; in August when it was 90 degrees out. With POTS, I could barely tolerate ten minutes outside and there was no chance of hitting the beach or sitting out on the deck.

I was forced to learn to love small victories like going to the grocery store or spending an hour outside gardening and each improvement in my health brings new victories. I was ecstatic the first time I could eat steak again, which was too difficult to digest with POTS before. I flew to Florida and survived with minimal symptoms. I went on a 4,000 mile road trip across the country this summer. Hell, I’m going back to grad school in the fall!

It’s taken a long, long time to get here (over three years) but I appreciate it so much more than I would have if I’d never gotten sick in the first place. It’s been proven that it takes three times as much energy for a POTS person as a normal person to do anything. It’s taught me that I have to pick my battles and decide what I really want. Save my energy to do the things that matter to me.

I still feel accomplished when I walk a mile, or manage to do all of the laundry in a single day because with POTS those everyday tasks, the ones that everyone takes for granted, aren’t taken for granted by me. Each one is a mini battle that I have to wage. Me vs. my body vs. my will vs. laundry/cleaning/etc. Every day is difficult; some worse than others. However, I’m glad that now I have the ability to appreciate winning each of those little wars and they spur me on to bigger and better things.