Out with the old; in with the new.

Yesterday the receptionist at the 'new cardiologist's office called me and said that she found someone else in their group that would take me on as a patient. He's just joining the group in July and I'm seeing him on his first day July 19th. I'm anxious to see how it will go.I'm not exactly comforted by the fact that he's new, so I'm going to try and do some research on him to see what his history is like.
(I'm extremely irritated that none of the original participants in the group would take me, but whatever.)

All I can say is that he better have an idea of what POTS is and what I'm talking about or I'm going to be very upset.

I did call The Jerk's office to cancel my follow up with him. I told the woman I wasn't sure if I was ever coming back based on his treatment. I felt bad doing it because his employees are very nice people; but his attitude and treatment weren't something I was going to tolerate any longer. Plus, his care wasn't helping me any. So that's that.

I wish I could say it was a relief, but right now it's too soon to tell.
If this new guy works out, then I'll be relieved; but for now I'm still just stressed about finding someone new who has knowledge about POTS.

Tomorrow, I'll be going to my GP's office to pick up my copy of my records and then I'll spend the rest of the day calling to get a free consultation or two from a lawyer.

***

I need a vacation.

What a joke.

Today I got a call from the office of the person I had hoped would be my new cardiologist. He rejected me.

Why? Because I was affiliated with "The Jerk".

You have got to be kidding me!!

At least it feels like progress...

Today, I made the rounds with phone calls again and actually had a pleasant(ish) surprise- my records were finally transferred from The Jerk to my regular GP. Hallelujah!

I immediately asked the lady who works in the records department (who I owe a fruit basket or something to by now just for taking my repeated phone calls) to send my testing records and results to the new potential cardiologist. She called me back once she'd done that; so I feel better knowing there's progress being made there.

I also asked her to get a copy of my complete records (not just tests/results) for the last five years for my own personal files. She said it costs $.75 per page so I can only imagine what this is going to run me. (sigh) She should have them for me by the end of the week.

In the meantime, I'm going to call around for lawyers to see if any of them will give me a free consultation on this matter. If I can set up one or two for next week, I'll have my records in hand and I can get a definitive answer on the lawsuit situation. Again, small step but I feel progress is being made.

I've also talked to my boyfriend and we are going to sell off some of our stocks to make sure I can cover my bills for this month. It's breaking my heart to do it, but it needs to be done and I'm grateful to have invested it a few years ago so I can use part of it now. It will ease the stress only minimally, but I'll take any improvement I can.

***

On the more-enjoyable part of the plus side:

• Over the weekend I spent a few hours at my boyfriend's house hanging out with his new roommate and a friend of mine (roommate's girlfriend). I felt pretty poorly for most of the night, but I'm glad I chose to go. It was my first time 'hanging out' with anyone, for an extended period of time, in over three years. A big deal for me.
  

• This morning I felt fantastic; better than I have in a long time...I got up early and went hunting for the perfect present for a friend of mine (I have something specific in mind) and then I did an epic 2-hour shop at the grocery store. Sadly, the feeling-well was fleeting; when I got home I unloaded everything and then was completely incapacitated for the rest of the day. I actually passed out in a chair in the afternoon- which is something that I NEVER do. (Hell, I get maybe two hours of sleep a night if I'm lucky because my meds-induced insomnia is so bad...so to be so tired I drop off just shows how exhausted I was.) Bad weather is moving in so tomorrow will be rough, but today I did it and that's what counts.
  

Heartsick

It's days like this that make me really wish I could just give up entirely.

I took a shower and I was so tired, so tachycardic, so sick afterward that I just sat on the bed, looked at this body, my body, that won't do what I want it to - that sometimes can't do what I need it to - and cried.

Not giving up just yet.

I told my mom about the lawyer thing when she got home; as I was really upset about it.

She surprised me by having the opposite reaction I had expected her to have.
In my mind, she told me to suck it up, deal with it and forget about it...but she actually reacted in a different way.

She thinks I should get a copy of all of my records to have in my personal possession; then I should contact a lawyer (either this one, or another one) that will allow a free consultation and show them all of my records and see what they say. In her mind, when I officially started to fall ill is debatable as I had a horrible round of the stomach flu around the same time...so the timing might actually be more in my favor than they're giving me credit for.

She also feels someone needs to see the actual proof (my records) of my illness and the timeline, along with hearing more than five minutes worth of my story, before decided whether or not we can proceed with this because a phone consult isn't exactly detailed; nor are there any concrete facts and documentation to be shared and gone over.

In my mind, she's right. I talked to a paralegal for all of five minutes and that's not sufficient time to give the matter the full attention and weight it deserves. She's also right that I should have someone go over my records in person, in detail before they come to any conclusion about deadlines I've missed. (or anything else for that matter...like whether or not they'll represent me.)

She's also wondering what they would say about other things that have gone on in the last three years that I've been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. (Don't want to go into more detail here, just in case legal action can/will be taken...but if you're curious you can ask.)

So, I've decided to get a copy of my records for myself (I have to call them tomorrow anyways to make sure the jerk cardiologist finally sent them for real this time) and I'm going to hopefully find a lawyer or two who will give me a free consultation to hear me out, and go over everything with me.

If, at that point, they say there's nothing that can be done then I'll have to accept that. I know it's an extremely long shot anyways. But, this is my quality of life that I'm fighting for; and if these people are responsible for doing this to me...for giving me this condition...then I owe it to myself to see this through to the end; whatever that might be.

I may have to give up eventually; but I'm not giving up just yet.

End of the Line.

I received a call this morning from a paralegal who works for the lawyer I'd called Monday. She took my information and asked me all kinds of questions so she could talk to the lawyer, and see if he would take on my case.

She called back about an hour later and said that he also believes we're beyond the statute of limitations so they won't be taking on my case.

The End.

"Under the Weather"

Up until I started getting sick, and my POTS progressed to where it is now, I never put much stock in the phrase "under the weather".

Now, it's a completely different story. It's interesting to me how big of a role the weather plays in how I feel and how I function. It's funny how some days I honestly am "under the weather" (or at least majorly impacted by it.)

Today, for example, it's hot and unbearably muggy. You can't even breathe when you walk outside.
A 'normal' person would find this to be annoying and a minor inconvenience.

For me, the pressure is physically painful.
I can feel is weighing on my limbs and my chest to the point where standing up makes my heart race and ache.

(You know it's bad when my sister looks at me and goes "Wow, you really don't feel well today do you? You can tell")

It's supposed to start raining and storming tonight, which will last all week long. Looks like I'll be "under the weather" for a while :/

***

On a separate note, the cardiologist's office called me back. Her (the office manager's) exact words were that he thought my purple hand was a neurological issue so he wrote it off; but now that he neurologist says it's cardiac-related, he wants me to come in for another visit.

My thought: When Hell freezes over.

After my last appointment, and everything since that, you have the gall to think I'll come back? You must be out of your mind!

I said I would call back if I wanted to make an appointment. Which was partially a lie.
I will call back, but that will be to end my association with this doctor once I have a new cardiologist and for nothing more.