getting nervous

Yes, surgery is two weeks away...but I got the paperwork on it today and I'm starting to get extremely nervous about it :/

CT Results and an Appendectomy

So...I got the call yesterday giving me the results of my CT scan.

It turns out, my appendix is still inflamed/ infected and has blocked itself off from my colon. It has to be removed.

I knew something was up when the surgeon himself called me. Plus, I've had a lingering discomfort ever since my hospital stay.

Surgery Date: Feb 4th

*sigh*

Some days it feels like I'm just never going to get out of this hole.

I'm still waiting on the results of my CT (not surprising, the surgeon is only in the office Tuesdays and Thursdays, the other days he's doing surgeries lol) and the last 4 days have wreaked havoc on my health/ mental well being.

I was sick for several days from the dye/ contract (turns out that wasn't that much of a better choice) so I lost any potential weight gain then.

Plus, my grandpa was sent to the hospital on Saturday and they were almost positive he would die. Since then, it's been an up and down road causing a lot of tears (obviously) and anxiety. Both of which are not constructive to eating, although I tried my best. (He's stable at the moment but has heart and kidney failure.)

I'm starting to seriously suspect depression has fully set in though, who knows. All I know is that I'm tired of trying and have no desire to continue to anymore.

CT: Complete

Well, the CT is over with.

This time was better and worse lol

When I went in this time, I went and asked if I really, absolutely HAD to drink barium (the last time they make me take two drinks.) The last few times I've had the barium cocktail, it's made me violently ill. Most people, it makes them severely constipated...for me, it goes violently the other way.

Thankfully, they came back and said I didn't have to had that, I could just drink a lot of the second drink (a different dye contrast). So, that's what I did. For the most part, it went better. My stomach's off today but that could be the orange juice I had to drink the contrast in lol. (IBS + OJ = bad anyways.)

The test was okay. CT dye is awful. It makes if feel like your brain is boiling for a minute before it passes. It's not the worst test you can have, but it sucks lol

So, now we'll wait and see what the doctor says next week when they get the results.

CT tomorrow

Tomorrow (finally) is my CT scan to check my appendix- not looking forward to it.

I don't know which is worse...having my test come back positive and having to go through the whole ER experience all over again, or having it come back negative which means that the whole ordeal was a huge waste of time.

I know it probably sounds stupid, but I'm hoping it comes back positive and I have my appendix removed outpatient. That way, I don't have to worry about having to go through this ever again.

More to come...

Resolutions

Happy New Year!

Last year, I took to the idea of actually having serious New Year's Resolutions.

A couple of mine this year are:

1. Get a job I like - Now that I'm starting to finally feel a little bit better (most days) I'm looking forward to finding a job that I like and that makes enough money to help pay off those pesky doctor bills.
2. Gain 5 lbs - Last year's goal (Gain 15 lbs) was a little too ambitious; according to a lot of research, it takes the average person almost 8 years to gain that much weight, plus with POTS I'm already at a disadvantage. Overall, I gained 6 lbs last year and would like to gain another 5 this year.
3. Give yoga another shot- this was something that I tried early on in my illness and it was a nightmare. The doctor's say it should be better with the medication that I'm taking so that would be nice. The only thing I'm cleared to do is something low-impact like yoga, so I'd like to give it another shot.
4. Accept some things, deal with the others, and move on - over the last two years, I've had an incredible amount of stress in my life (between family, health, and losing my job/school) that's pretty much broken me down. This year I'd like to find better ways to deal with things going on. If it's something I just have to accept: accept it. If it's something that needs to be dealt with: deal with it. If I can't do either of those things/once I've accomplished those things? Move on.
5. Manage my POTS- pretty obvious, but always on my mind. I think I'll consider this done once I'm getting out more often, I gain a couple more pounds and I can be a bit more active.
   

There are other ones, but I feel that these are the most important to my health- mentally and physically...and that these are the most important in relation to my blog (obviously). If I accomplish these, I think my life will finally start a long overdue turnaround!

Happy New Year!

Overall dinner was okay.

Turns out, the curse continued unfortunately. Halfway through the longest dinner in my life, I got awful stomach cramps. So I ate half of my dinner and we got our desserts to go. Thankfully, it didn't turn out to be anything worse (although my appendix hurt afterward...I really hope it's not that) and we played some Harry Potter Clue, Scattegories and watched some HP6 all while in our PJs/Sweats. Then we had some sparkling cranberry juice for midnight.

Not exactly how I wanted 2010 to end, seeing as I wanted my steak and my dessert, I just couldn't stomach it (although I tried!) Although, it almost makes me laugh how fitting it was to end that awful year.