disappointed

*sigh* So, I found this really great dietitian who seemed like an awesome guy. He filled me with hope because he said he was going to contact other people who knew more about my condition as well as doing research on his own. I've tried to get a hold of him for a couple of weeks now...nothing.

His original suggestion was to graze...which is weird and I'm having a hard time doing it. But, even when I do manage to graze all day, I don't feel any better. It doesn't regulate my blood pressure any better, and I'm getting very depressed with it. Apparently no one wants to help me deal with this drug-free (although, I honestly am coming around to the fact that it truly can't be 100% drug free. Even when I consistently follow the diet I'm supposed to, it's still hard to get up without almost passing out. I have to take a break getting up stairs because my heart pounds- it's just...way too far passed that point.)

So, I just don't know.

At the moment, it's not all bad. Considering all of the stress I'm under I've still managed to gain 1lb. which isn't much, but normally I stop eating and lose weight. So, to gain is phenomenal. I'm up to 95lbs. Up 8lbs in a year. that's not bad

small update

there's been a lot going on, and i'm not ready to update yet. but i thought i'd do a small one in case anyone was interested.

i met with a new dietitian, he seems like a very nice and knowledgeable man. i'm working on a new tip that he gave me: to graze all day and stop eating meals. i didn't think it would be difficult but it is- very. you don't realize how well you've been trained to eat meals until they're trying to make you stop eating them. he's going to try and find some specialists who have worked with other POTS patients, to see if there's any other kind of help they can give me.

taking a break for a little bit. things are getting to be really rough at home and it's just not a main focus to record everything i eat right now

day 82 (my sister's favorite)

breakfast: two slices of nutella bread with extra nutella (~800c)
snack: 3 garlic stuffed olives and pepperjack cheez-its (220c)
dinner: extra potato pancakes with sour cream and facon with ginger ale (~750c)
snack: ensure plus (350c)

total: 2120. thank heavens for nutella- it really saved me today. i had to get my foot x-rayed so i missed lunch completely and by the time i got home it wasn't worth eating so i just waited until dinner.

day 81

breakfast: ensure plus (350c)
lunch: rest of cheese stuffed burger with chips (~510c)
snack: freeze pop (20c) part of a toblerone (110c)
dinner: potato pancakes with sour cream and facon with ginger ale (~550c)
snack: ensure plus (350c)

total: 1890. not the greatest, but seeing as i had such a rough night that i slept until 11...i'm reasonably pleased with the calorie count

day 80

ensure plus x2, garlic stuffed olives, chips, hamburger with cheese, sparkling water, kit kat (not in that order necessarily). i didn't count the calories

day 79

i'll be honest...i know it was yesterday, but i don't remember what i ate.

ensure plus, kit kat, hamburger with cheese, some ginger ale....i don't know exactly. stuff lol